So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
