Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
