I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
