just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize