Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
