I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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