i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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