It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
