so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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