You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
