Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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