So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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