I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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