You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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