He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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