he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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