ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
