you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize