I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
