she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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