ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
