3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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