Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
