You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
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Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Of course I have a pirate flag
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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