There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
