he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
