Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
