I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
