Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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