i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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