got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
