yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
