$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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