I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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