I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
