Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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