I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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