just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
