If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
