1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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