never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
