I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
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I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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