how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's Friday. Sex?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
