I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
