last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
