i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
