I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
