I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
