Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
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I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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