I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
