that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
