it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
