why didn't you poke me back
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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