My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
