I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
