I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
