She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
